Are lawyers paid to NOT do their jobs?

I can remember growing up on the South Side of Chicago and one of our neighbors was a (whisper it) l-a-w-y-e-r. He had a nice sleek house in the middle of the block and I remember he was buddies with our 10th Ward Alderman who the neighborhood would call "Slick Eddie". He was also a l-a-w-y-e-r. Now as a kid growing up on the South Side, I was very impressed with this guy along with a judge and a city planner who were other neighbors. Compared to my step-father who sold insurance, I thought these were the guys to emulate. For me when I grew up I wanted to be just like them, with their "happier than we were" families, their "nicer than we had cars" and their "bigger than we had" houses.

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the Law. A great lawyer knows the Judge.

As time passed I was always watching shows like Perry Mason and reading books like "The Art to Cross-examination" by Francis L. Wellman. I remember presenting and arguing my point to my parents on the merits of why I had to go to bed at 9:00 while my older brother was able to stay up until 11:00. I even recall one time I put on my little clip on tie over my pajamas to present my case. The whole time envisioning that picture of having a family, a big home and a nice imported car when I grew up. But then, at age 12, I discovered the opposite sex and like that it slipped away. So much for focus as I moved into my teen years.

A man is innocent until proven broke. - Anonymous

I wound up in sales as far as a career is concerned and never again picked up a book on law. However as an adult I did have the need to hirer a lawyer twice. The first time was to sue a neighbor who was making my life miserable with his late night noise and the second was to get divorced. It was after these experiences that I finally understood, what I always considered to be lawyers getting a bum rap with the jokes and the negative stereotyping and all. Several thousands of dollars later and no happier, no richer and no more satisfied, I finally understood. You do realize that this is one of the few industries that doesn't have an official "Refund Policy". I'm talking about the: "If, in 90 days for whatever reason, you are not completely satisfied with the outcome of your case we will refund your retainer and fees in full. That is our guarantee". No, nothing like that. Nothing even close to that. It seems to me that they should only make money when they actually win the case, not lose. What a great profession to be in. Charge $150 per hour or more to either do or not do what you were hired for to begin with. After all, isn't a lawyers true job to win? I mean no one hires an attorney to lose for them.

How many personal injury lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three - One to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder and the third to sue the ladder company.

Well I'll say this much to end. I'm not a l-a-w-y-e-r, (thank God for puberty), I own a condo not a big house and it's just my wife and I and you know what? We're happy. The only thing that could make this better is if I could get her to move back to Chicago. Gooo Cubbies!! Is it just me? Tell me what you think. Other than gambling, have you felt ripped-off by hiring an attorney?


Let me know.